Blog For Free!
Archives
Home
2004 January
tBlog
My Profile
Send tMail
My tFriends
My Images
Sponsored
Blog
|
| Cecilia™ |
| 01.24.04 (6:59 am) [edit] |
life's complications and frustrations
they disappear when the music starts playing
i found a place where it feels alright
i heard a record and it opened my eyes
I remember once Mike and I where in the back of Judith's car while on a "double date" with her and Joel and the windows of the car were foggy from the weather outside so Mike and I where writing on them with our fingers. When I was done writing my message I looked over to see that Mike had written "Mike ♥s Cecilia" and saw him frown when he saw that my window read "Favor de morir" which means "Please go die" in spanish. I think that sums up our relationship pretty much. Don't get me wrong, by writing that I wasn't hinting toward the fact that I disliked him or was miserable in our relationship-- I pretty much put it up there because I liked how it sounded but thats how it was between him and I-- I would always make him feel like I could careless.
|
|
|
| |
| Where in the world is Avery, Indiana? |
| 01.22.04 (2:15 pm) [edit] |
Cecilia, you're breaking my heart
You're shaking my confidence daily
Oh, Cecilia, I'm down on my knees
I'm begging you please to come home
Jubilation, she loves me again,
I fall on the floor and I'm laughing,
Jubilation, she loves me again,
I fall on the floor and I'm laughing
She blows my mind. Oli got an envelope full of pictures of the pacific cost in the mail from Avery today. If you're familiar with the band Bright Eyes you would know that is a line from their song A Song to Pass the Time. Before she left, Oli, Avery, and I use to lay around my room and listen to Fevers and Mirrors because at that point in time we all thought a connection could be found in Conor Oberst's music. At times I forget that Avery even knows us. Can miles of telephone wire between you and another party make you forget? Yes, it can. I don't remember Avery sometimes-- Olive and I will be laying on the carpet listening to our records and for a few brief seconds I'll actually entertain the idea that it has always been that way, just her and I. It's a distressing way to go about it.
I received a letter from her as well. She was accepted into Agnes Scott but doubts that she would return east for any college except the University of Pennsylvania but thinks those chances as slim. She writes "You would think a sixteen year old who graduated with full honors would be held in high esteem but I am finding that not to be true at all. It's my nomadic life style that turns people off I guess". That line gets me so agitated. The world that she lives in is so demented. Of course colleges will frown upon the fact that the only way they can reach you is via cell phone.
I still resent the fact that she left but I guess I am touched with a bit a green as well because here she is having the life that I only wished I could have after I was through with school.
She doesn't live with Roy anymore. Since she last wrote (which was more than a month ago) Roy's wife announced that she was expecting so she took that as an indication that she should move on. At the moment she is with my Aunt Sherry in Las Vegas but I hope she is cogitative to the fact that her hospitality will only last for a brief while-- I mean, she is our mother's sister.
She enclosed the letter by writing about a boy named Thursten that she met while she was in Pasadena, California visiting our Uncle Eric. He is from Avery, Indiana but resides in Vancouver. Next month she is driving up to visit him and is considering stopping by for a week or so to visit with us.
She's excited over this one, I can tell. Driving from Arizona to British Columbia isn't something you do for a fling...or in Avery's case it could be because I am thinking about a level headed person in this situation. She doesn't recognize what she is getting herself into when it comes to relationships.
While on the subject...
What about Christian?
Avery is just a messed up girl.
|
|
|
| |
| Life on the east cost. |
| 01.20.04 (5:27 pm) [edit] |
Any fuckass can open up a museum
Put all of the things he loves on display
So everyone can see them
The house the car the thoughful wife
Ordinary moments in his ordinary life
"My first film", saying that gives me such a rush. I have something to show for the last four years of my life :) . Alex and I went over the raw footage today-- we still have a lot of editing to do and there are a few scenes that I would like to re-shoot but I am confident in saying that this film will be wrapped up by the time I graduate. At the moment, it feels like this film is all I have so even though I anticipate seeing the finished product I know that it will be very dejecting to see this whole process come to an end. I only hope that this wont be the last time that I can experience this.
I am home alone with my younger sister, Olive, tonight. We went through Morgan's stuff tonight because her make-up collection is such a joke. We found some hot red lip stick that we had a photo shoot with. Oli needed some pictures for her art portfolio that is due tomorrow. Earlier today I went out around town and took a roll for her while she stayed home and did some sketches. I had her art teacher when I was a freshmen so I know how belligerent he can be. His expectations for his students are becoming more and more absurd. I knew that Oli wouldn't be able to hand book filled with over forty-two drawings si I filled her in on the loop hole that photography is art and the fact that we have a digital camera we can create easy art in half the time. Now don't get me wrong, I have such an adoration for photography and pretty much any form of art in general but when you have thirty-seven pages blank in your art book I'll do my best to make a paper cup in the gutter look beautiful-- but then again you can find beauty in anything if you look at in the right context.
I feel so much remorse for Oli. Her eyes look so contrite, which is totally understandable from this past year. Our other sister, Avery, who would have been a junior this year graduated early and left. I mean, first she was emancipated from our father and then moved in with our step dad's family in Arizona. Don't the impression that she dropped and became a bum, I mean she is sixteen and going into college-- thats pretty extraordinary if you ask me but I wish she would have stayed around for Oli's shake.
I've lived with my dad longer then Avery and Oli did after our parents divorce. Avery and Oli lived off and on with my mom for five years. They moved in with my mom and her husband at the time, Roy, when my dad and I moved up north after he decided to propose to his now fiance, Morgan. In that five year period they watched her deteriorate. Roy divorced her soon after the girls moved in with them so he wasn't in their lives for that long but Avery made a connection with him hence the reason of her moving out west to live with him and his new wife. I'm glad the girls came back to us to be a complete family (without a mother) even though it was for a brief while.
Olive is already worn out from life at the age of fourteen so thats why I try to allay things for her.
More about that some other time I guess.
What else is going on in my life other then the film-- which I have yet to title-- like most girls I have an on going battle with guys. I feel so fatuous for writing about this but in the last couple of months my life has just been a wreck when it comes to this particular subject. I need to finish my calculus review-- five extra points on my final-- so my next entry will just be dedicated to that certain gist in my life.
|
|
|
| |
|
|
